Given the state of the world right now, with the protests and racial tension in the US, I thought it would be an appropriate time to talk about race. The protests in America are about police brutality and systemic, institutionalised racism. As much as it’s so important to talk about these things, I don’t think I’m the person to do this. I don’t think I could adequately explain the intricacies of the situation. In short, I don’t think I could do it justice. So instead this week, keeping in the same ballpark, I’ll talk about something I have more experience with: the N-word. In particular, people who want to be allowed to use the word and don’t see why they can’t. I can’t promise a comfortable read, but I hope it will at least be enlightening.
There’s been a bit of a trope over the last couple of decades. It basically goes like this, “If black people are allowed to refer to themselves as the N-word, then why can’t I use the word too?”. For those unsure if this trope actually exists, The Simpsons parodied it. In one episode, Bart starts hanging out with bullies. When Milhouse questions Bart about the bullies, Bart tells Milhouse that he can’t use that word. Milhouse asks how comes they (the bullies) are allowed to say it. I’m sure my written account isn’t quite as entertaining as the episode itself. Having said that, it was one of the newer* episodes, so it’s quite possible my version was superior.
*As is the law, any Simpsons episode from season 11 onward is considered “newer” and, therefore, sub par. I won’t be taking any questions at this time.
Anyway, it’s definitely a thing. You can’t parody something that doesn’t exist, and you don’t parody something that a lot of people won’t recognize when they see it.
For a more recent example of someone wondering under what circumstances it’s ok to use the N-word, let’s take a look at the 2018 comedy song Freaky Friday. In the song/music video, Lil Dicky (white) switches bodies with Chris Brown (black). Upon waking up, he:
- Sees that he’s in bed with two gorgeous women
- Recognises that he’s in a mansion
- Realises he’s been transformed into Chris Brown
- Understands that this means he has fame and money now
- Realises he can sing and dance
- Sees that he has a daughter
- Sees that he has people like Kanye West in his phone contacts
- (Must surely) realise that magic exists in the world. Is it just that one Chinese man who is magic, or are there other forms of magic in the world? What could this mean for the world going forward?
Despite all of these amazing things he’s woken up to, one of the first questions he asks is, “Can I say the N-word now?”. He decides that he can and starts using it with reckless abandon. Putting aside the philosophical question of whether body swapping with someone means you actually become them, it’s clear that Lil Dicky really wanted to say the N-word.
Now, whenever I see anybody asking the question of why they can’t say the N-word (it’s usually on social media, but I’ve been asked in person numerous times down the years too), the question I always ask myself – and now the wider world via this blog – in response is: why do you want to say the N-word? It’s something that has baffled me for a long time. The obvious answer is that they’re racist. But let’s be fair, it’s not like racists usually ask for permission to use racist language. I like to think that the majority of people are decent, non-racist people. Using that assumption, I can only conclude that a healthy dose of the people asking the N-word question are asking it in “good faith” and are genuinely curious. I still don’t understand how having that word in your vocabulary improves your life in any way. Perhaps I’m being unfair. Maybe the majority of people asking the question are just Scrabble enthusiasts; G’s ain’t the easiest tile to get rid of, so being able to legitimately get rid of two in one go must be an enticing prospect for some.
In all seriousness, there isn’t really any need for non-black people to be using the word. One potential exception is singing/rapping along to a song. IF you are listening to a song with the N-word in it, and IF you’ve been singing along to the rest of the song, and IF you wouldn’t use the word in any other situation, then I don’t really mind if you use the N-word just in a singing along context. Please note, this is just my personal opinion; there will be plenty of black people (perhaps most) who absolutely will not be happy to hear you use the word in any capacity, so proceed with caution. Might just be safer not to use the word at all.
This point brings me neatly onto the next problem I have with the phrase, “If they [black people] can say it, why can’t I?”. They? There are over a billion black people in the world and you’re going to lump all of us in together in a neat “they”? This is the exact kind of thinking that perpetuates stereotypes and it’s really not helpful at all. Every group of people is made up of individuals. These individuals all have their own thoughts and feelings. You can’t sum them all up with a “they”. This isn’t just a race thing either. It would be wrong to say things like, “[Sports team] fans are horrible.” or, “[Hobby] enthusiasts are so boring.”.
Understanding that not all billion plus black people are the same should make my next point more digestible too: not all black people use the N-word. I don’t use it. I don’t know anyone personally who uses the word either. Some do, of course. But imagine a non-black person thinking it should be ok for them to say the N-word because a (probably fairly small) percentage of black people say it. It’s madness.
Another question I’ve been asked (more frequently than I would have liked) is: why do black people say the N-word? Please stop asking your black friends this; we don’t know. What do you think happens? When a black person turns 18, they receive secret login details that gives them access to black information on the internet? That’s not what they’re referring to when you hear people talk about the dark web. Having said that, I think I have an answer to the question. It’s just my personal interpretation, but one which I think makes a lot of sense. I’m going to use an analogy. Unfortunately, this analogy requires me to talk about Tottenham Hotspur. I’ll keep a sick bucket close and will power on:
Some of our older readers may need to school me on some of the finer details but – from what I can gather – decades ago, rival fans started referring to Spurs fans as Y***. This is usually a derogatory term levelled at Jewish people. Given the fact that there are many Jewish communities in and around where Spurs play their football (if you can call it football), rival fans basically tried to imply that all Spurs fans were Jewish. In response to this, Spurs fans eventually started referring to themselves as Y***. To this day, they’ll chant things like “Y** army”. Even though the Jewish community have asked them not to use the word, and even though the club themselves have asked fans not to use it, a certain proportion of fans feel very strongly about using it. It’s worth pointing out that not all Spurs fans use the word; starting to see the parallels yet? Now, usually the only sympathy that I have for Spurs fans is for the fact that they have to watch Spurs play every week. But I do have some sympathy in this case. Whilst not condoning the use of the Y-word, Spurs fans had to put up with rival fans calling them the Y-word for who knows how long. They took the word, removed the negative connotations (in their eyes), and used it in a more positive manner. Almost like a badge of honour. This is almost identical to what I think happened with the N-word. Black people took the word away from the racists and turned it into almost a term of endearment.
I remember the first time I was called the N-word. I was scared, confused, embarrassed, and angry. I was 11 years old. It happened at school. In fact, it was in my first few weeks of secondary school. I was so worried that this would be an ongoing thing throughout my time in the school. Thankfully, this was the only time it happened. It wasn’t an ideal start though. I’ve been on the receiving end of the word a few times since. I wouldn’t say it gets easier, but you grow a thicker skin pretty quick.
If you aren’t black, you can’t really know how hurtful the N-word is. But please understand that you can’t use it.
I appreciate you reading this. It wasn’t easy to write, I hope it wasn’t too difficult to read. Thanks as always. Rest in power George Floyd.
A Rob Blog 
One thought on “The N-word”