For my blog this week, I wanted to talk about the gay community. In particular, I’m going to focus on homophobia, and how it is still very much a problem in modern society. Let’s begin.
From the jump, it is probably worth stating that I’m straight. I don’t mention this in a “I hope no one thinks I’m gay” way. Because honestly, who cares? The reason I mention it is because I get rather annoyed when white people try to dictate what is/isn’t racist toward people of colour. With that in mind, it would be a bit hypocritical of me to then dictate what is/isn’t homophobic toward gay people as a straight man. There are actually quite a few parallels between racism and homophobia, which I’ll get into. But I’m certainly not an authority on the gay experience. There are plenty of LGBTQ+ writers out there that you can check out for a more authentic take on what it is to be part of the community. The following is just my narrow perspective on the matter.
I sometimes try to recollect my early memories of the existence of gay people. I can’t say that it was a big part of my childhood. Looking back, there were gay people that I interacted with (family members, family friends etc.), but I don’t think I had any clue they were gay. I’m pretty certain that I didn’t even know that being gay was a thing.
People (who, in hindsight, were of course partners) were introduced as “friends” of *gay person* at social gatherings. I don’t know exactly why the truth was kept from us as kids. Was it that people were embarrassed to talk about it? Maybe they didn’t know how to explain it to children? Was it simply the case that they didn’t think it was any of the childrens’ damn business? Whatever the reason, I do hope the gay people I spent time with when I was a child never felt like they had to hide who they were. I’d feel awful to know that they were made to feel awkward or uncomfortable because of me, whether I knew what was happening or not.
It wasn’t something that ever came up in primary school either. Not in sex education lessons, not anywhere as far as I can remember. There was a real lack of information on the subject. Whether that was a conscious decision on the part of my parents/teachers, I do not know.
The word “gay” – and the understanding of what it meant – did make its way into my vocabulary shortly after starting secondary school. Unfortunately. I don’t know if it was the same way in other schools and in other generations, but in my school at the turn of the century, it was very “popular” to call someone gay. Usually a friend, and usually just messing around. It was one of the more prominent forms of “banter”.
I’m ashamed to say that this is something I took part in as well. Other than being an ignorant teenager, I have no excuse. It was homophobic behaviour. The only solace I can take is knowing that I grew out of that behaviour fairly quickly. I’m sorry I ever behaved that way all the same.
It’s here I want to examine though. This is where I think homophobia starts for a lot of people. Their early teens. The belief that being gay is something worthy of ridicule and is something that can be used as an insult. It’s an attitude that I can safely say I left in the school yard, but I fear others carry this outlook into adulthood.
These attitudes must at least be a contributory factor in why some gay people struggle to come out to their family and friends. Fear of not being accepted or – worse still – shunned and ridiculed.
I think the biggest reason I have for not being homophobic – aside from common decency – is empathy. I have some experience with being treated differently because of who I am, so it is very easy for me to sympathise with gay people who suffer at the hands of bigotry. Of course, it isn’t exactly the same thing, and I would never pretend to fully understand what it’s like to be gay, and the difficulties that go along with that. But there are some similarities.
With this in mind, I always find it extremely disappointing when I see a person of colour act in a homophobic way. Homophobia is disappointing wherever it comes from, but when it’s from a person of colour, I always think that they will know how it feels to be discriminated against for something that is out of their control. So why perpetuate that behaviour? Putting aside the too-simple-for-my-liking explanation that misery loves company, there is a more insidious reason: too many people still think being gay is a choice.
I think even the biggest white supremacist in the world would admit that nobody chooses to be black. However, there are a lot of people who (incorrectly) believe people choose to be gay. This is why gay conversion “therapy” places exist. “Pray the Gay Away” camps and the like. There is no equivalent of that for racists. What would that even be? “Smack the Black Away”, perhaps?
Thankfully, more and more of these practices are being scrutinised and criticised now. Just recently, a YouGov poll found 62% of Brits were in favour of banning gay conversion therapy. This is something the government are trying to implement, so let’s hope laws are put in place that will curb these draconian practices. It’s good that the majority of the country are against trying to “cure” gay people, but the fact that 38% aren’t shows that we have a way to go before we can declare this particular problem as resolved.
I’m hopeful. As with racism, I feel that there has been progress with tackling homophobia. Are things better than they were 30 years ago? Yes. Is there still a long way to go? Absolutely. But we’re moving in the right direction. That doesn’t mean we should rest on our laurels. Now is the time to continue the fight for equality and justice for all people.
Just last year, a lesbian couple were attacked on a bus. Let’s not kid ourselves by saying homophobia isn’t still a big issue. Afterwards, it made national headlines and it opened up the conversation, which is a good thing. The thugs in question were arrested I believe, which is also a good thing. But we mustn’t lose sight of the fact that for every story like this that makes the papers, there’s probably 20 other similar stories that go unreported/under-reported. It’s a wide-spread issue.
So where do we go from here? Far be it for me to look to celebrities to solve this problem, but I do think the fact that there are so many openly gay people in the public eye now can only be a good thing. I’m sure the number of openly gay celebs will only increase over time. I hope this will empower gay people to embrace who they are. And I hope it will educate the straight people who need to bring their attitudes into the 21st century.
I wrote this whole post and – truthfully – I have no idea how to finish it. As I can’t find words of my own, I’ll leave you with the words of a very wise man: if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen!
Cheers for reading, it’s very much appreciated. Take care and I’ll be back next week.
A Rob Blog 