Hello all. Sorry I haven’t blogged for a while, it’s been a busy time. You’ll have to excuse me if my writing is a bit rusty. If it pleases you, today I’ll be speaking about manners. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy.
Manners are important to me. I’ve been thinking about them a lot recently, perhaps because my daughter is at that age where my wife and I are really trying to drill manners into her vocabulary. Nothing out of the ordinary, just ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, maybe an ‘excuse me’ after a sneeze or burp, a ‘sorry’ after doing something naughty.
She’s actually doing really well with it, but it’s not always easy with younger children. In a lot of ways, getting them to learn when to say the words is the simple part; it’s much harder teaching them the context of why they should say the words.
And look, that’s completely understandable. Children are driven by their desires, and for the longest time, parents pander to them. That isn’t a criticism, because the pandering is necessary. When they’re babies, they cry when they want/need something. It’s the parent’s responsibility to act accordingly.
But it doesn’t take long before the babies figure out they can get what they want by making a lot of noise. And they play on that. So the transition from that to actually asking for something is a big deal.
I don’t specifically remember my parents or teachers teaching me about manners, though I’m sure they must have done. I’m sure I would have also been schooled by the contemporaries of the time: Mr Benn, Fireman Sam, and Sooty to name but a few. Between the lot of them, I think they moulded me into a mostly polite child.
I think most kids get the same sort of lessons that I did, be it through parents, school, or popular culture. So it seems strange to me how many people are just plain rude. I guess in some cases, children just don’t take to manners and it has a knock-on effect for later in life. In other cases, I suppose some children are polite when they’re young, but they grow out of it. Perhaps it’s an attitude of, “I’m an adult now, so I can act how I want.”.
Either way, rude people really do get my goat. There’s an expression that manners cost you nothing. And it’s really true, it’s so easy to be polite. And yet, the simple concept seems to elude a lot of people. There was a story about James Corden being rude in a New York restaurant a few weeks back. He was rightly called out for his behaviour.
The incident brought to mind a family meal I went to with my parents and sister when I was a teenager. My dad had ordered a steak, medium-rare. Upon it arriving, it became apparent that the steak was medium-well at best; it was probably fully well done. The next few minutes played out thusly:
Dad: Hmm, this is a bit overdone.
Mum: Send it back and ask for a new one.
Dad: No, no, it’s fine, it’s not that bad.
*Another bite of steak*
Dad: It is quite tough.
Mum: Just send it back.
Begrudgingly, my dad did eventually send it back. But here’s the key point: he didn’t shout, or swear, or belittle the server. In fact, I think he may have apologised to them! Something like: “Sorry, this steak is slightly too well done, but I asked for medium-rare.”. The staff couldn’t have been nicer about it, whisking away the old steak and bringing a fresh one out quickly.
I think I get a lot of my manners from my parents, as I too hate to make complaints in a restaurant. I feel guilty, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. A waiter could bring me a severed human head, and I’d probably pick at the cheek for a bit before asking for the dessert menu.
I suppose everyone has their own definition of what good manners looks like. Perhaps I’m a bit of a hypocrite, as there are things that I sometimes do that could be considered rude. As one example, I sometimes put my elbows on the table when eating. My personal thing with ‘socially acceptable’ rules like this is that they’re not a big deal. I feel like this is an etiquette thing that has been passed down from generation to generation, but does anyone really know the reason why? I don’t even care enough to Google it.
However, I appreciate that this particular display of manners will be important to some people. But there are tons of polite niceties that don’t particularly make sense. If someone sneezes, the polite thing to do is say “bless you”. If someone coughs, you don’t say anything. How can remaining silent after someone coughs be normal, yet silence after a sneeze be considered rude? Answers on a postcard.
I guess this is my longwinded way of saying that we all must navigate using our moral compass when it comes to manners. Whilst my own personal belief is that basic manners should be used by all, there are some niche ones which are a bit more open to interpretation.
As I eluded to earlier, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly why some people lack even basic manners. For some, they probably feel that they’re above the ‘weakness’ of being polite. For others, perhaps they use rudeness as a means to an end? Take the restaurant example from above. There are probably some people who think that the ruder they are and the louder they shout, the more benefits they will get. Be that quicker service, complimentary food or drink, or money off the bill.
And hey, perhaps they’re right. I’ve seen firsthand how staff will look to placate an irate customer just to avoid them making more of a scene. However, I can also imagine some rude customers getting spit in their food. So I guess you take the rough with the smooth.
I think there is one more category of rude person: the unaware ones. The ones who probably believe they are polite, even though they’re anything but. I don’t know if this makes them better or worse than the others.
On quick reflection, I think the unapologetic rude people are worse than those with a lack of awareness. To use an analogy about bad breath, a person who was unaware of their bad breath would still be unpleasant for you. But a guy sitting there popping cloves of garlic like sweets, purposefully making his breath worse is surely the worst of two evils. And on that smelly bombshell, I think we’ll leave it there for today…
Thanks as ever for reading. With the controversial World Cup in Qatar just starting, let me just quickly take the time to say that I stand in solidarity with the LGBTQ+ community, and countries like Qatar who have laws against homosexuality are an absolute disgrace. And FIFA, fuck you too.
Rob Recommends
The Book of Boba Fett – TV – 8/10
I mean, pretty much just look at what I wrote about The Mandalorian, as this is basically a 3rd season of that. I liked this slightly less than The Mandalorian, just because I’m less interested in Boba Fett as a character.
In many ways, this show is even more of a western; Boba Fett is the new sheriff in town, and a lot of the locals are none too pleased about this. As you expect from Disney by now, it all looks incredible, and once again the music is great. Definitely worth a watch.
A Rob Blog 