Howdy y’all. I hope you’re all doing well. I’m at my office desk as I type this (during my lunch break!). And it occurs to me: I’ve basically spent the last 15 years working in an office. Not the same building for all that time, and not even for the same company. But, in an office of some sort for approaching two decades now. There are certain things that are second nature to me, but if you’ve never worked in an office before, there are certain unwritten rules that may surprise you. Check these out and file them away for a rainy office day. Enjoy:
There are many pitfalls that may catch you out in the office. Depending on what you do for a living, there will likely be job specific dangers or considerations. However, a lot of common issues are universal, and a lot of them involve the office kitchen. For example: making a cup of tea.
How hard can this be, particularly in my neck of the woods? Drinking tea is almost a national pastime here in England. We know how to drink it and we certainly know how to make it. But office tea is a different beast.
The first thing you’ll need to suss out in your office is whether the company provides tea bags. If they do, great, that’s one less thing to worry about. If not, and you can’t make it through the day without one, you’ll need to bring some in yourself. Which is fine. But, just know that if you leave an open package of tea bags on your desk, chances are at least one person will help themselves to some.
Tea bag in hand, now you need to make a cup. One of my old offices had one of those instant boiling water taps. If your office has anything similar, you’re golden. If, however, you need to use a kettle, you’ll find yourself in a dilemma. How much water do you boil?
Now, at home, I will simply fill the kettle up enough to make a drink for myself. Or, enough for two cups if my wife also wants one. Or, enough for three if… you get the idea. What I don’t do, however, is fill the kettle to the top. Firstly, it’s a waste of electricity and is, therefore, bad for the environment (and my utility bill!). Secondly, as patient as I like to think I am, waiting an extra few minutes unnecessarily whilst the kettle boils excess water is not something I’m willing to accept.
In an office, though, it’s just not the same. You might say it’s a different kettle of fish. Sorry. But, if I were to boil just one cup’s worth of water, and then a colleague appeared wanting a brew, I’d be the office pariah. On the flip side, if I boil a full kettle and then no one else ends up needing it, I’m the latest villain of Greenpeace. It’s either screw my coworkers or screw the polar bears. I usually opt for the middle ground of boiling enough for a few hot drinks and hope for the best.
So, tea nearly made, I’ve let the teabag steep for an acceptable amount of time (two minutes at an absolute minimum), and now to dispose of it. I put mine in the bin (more on that anon), but a worryingly large number of people in an office will put used tea bags in the kitchen sink. Why? Good question. I have no idea. But, it’s yet another example of how things in an office can differ from other walks of life.
Pro Tip: This might be very obvious to some, but it’s something I only discovered relatively recently. You can, and should, put used tea bags in a food waste bin. It’s better for the environment. So, that’s one way to make up for boiling too much water in the office.
That’s tea dealt with, so let’s get onto the serious business: lunch. There are only two big rules that must be followed. Firstly, do not, under any circumstances, eat someone else’s lunch. It shouldn’t need to be said, but people’s food going missing from the kitchen fridge is so commonplace they even did a joke about it on Friends. MY SANDWICH!
Secondly, no fish in the microwave. It not only stinks out the kitchen, but whomever uses the microwave after you will have a fishy essence all over their food. Frankly, you should try to avoid any particularly pungent foods altogether. I worked with this one girl, many years ago now, who would regularly eat egg sandwiches at her desk. What got me was that she would often ask us if it was alright for her to eat them just before, but it was one of those questions where it was very difficult to say no. Perhaps I was just too nice for my own good.
If you get on really well with your colleagues, lunchtime can be a good time to socialise. Venturing out to the local eateries with your teammates can be lots of fun and gives you an opportunity to get to know them better. However, if you don’t care for your colleagues much (or if you just need a bit of time to yourself), a good tip is to work out what time most of the others take their lunch break. So, if they tend to go between 1pm – 2pm, you take your break at midday. You then get a solid two hours of relative peace.
Another area where office life is completely topsy-turvy is on people’s birthdays. In the real world, when it’s your birthday, people buy you presents and a cake; in the office, you bring in treats for everyone to share when it’s your birthday. It may be a strange custom, but it is also wise to just go along with it. Your colleagues will be fuming if you try to sneak your birthday past them on the quiet. Any excuse for a break from the monotony with a bit of cake.
Other than the above, you also have the classic unofficial office rules: don’t talk about politics, religion, or money. For the first two, this sort of applies to general life, too. It’s not that these subjects aren’t important. It’s more that people tend to form strong opinions on these. If you (and the person you’re talking to) are able to have a discussion with someone who disagrees with you without losing your temper or things becoming acrimonious, then have at it. But, arguments in an office environment can be awkward at the best of times, so if in doubt, perhaps steer clear of these topics.
Money, however, is different. As an Englishman, I do find it incredibly difficult to talk about money. I get uncomfortable if I find out someone makes significantly more than me. I also feel strange if I find out I make more than someone else. I find the whole subject uncouth, and I’d rather not discuss it at all.
However, the reason a lot of companies will dissuade you from talking finance in the office isn’t to protect your feelings. They do it because they don’t want their employees to know how much their colleagues make. Simply because if everyone knows what everybody else earns, they have more leverage to ask for a pay rise. Companies would rather keep people in the dark.
So, hold your nose, suck it up, and ask the person sitting next to you how much money they make. You might just make yourself a few extra quid out of it. Better yet, ask them in the kitchen whilst you wait for the overly-full kettle to boil. You’ll need something to pass the time.
Thanks for reading. Join me next time when I’ll be talking about British politics and Lord of the Rings. Until then, take it easy.
Rob Recommends
Argylle – Film – 6/10
I like spy capers as much as the next guy, but this one was an underwhelming watch. It has a somewhat interesting – if pretty silly – plot, with an intriguing hook, but the whole thing is a bit of a mess that gets worse as it goes.
The film follows Bryce Dallas Howard’s Elly, a crime writer who unwittingly writes a spy novel that closely resembles a real-life plot by a secret evil organisation. This puts her in danger, so she is forced to flee.
As I say, interesting. But there are too many unbelievable moments for this to hold up to any sort of scrutiny. At one point, Elly is on the run and doesn’t know who she can trust, so she calls her mum. But, realising that her mum’s phone might be bugged, she calls her mum’s neighbour and asks him to take his phone over to her mum. It’s a clever idea. However, Elly doesn’t have a mobile phone or any money on her, so she does a collect call from a payphone. But how does she know her mum’s neighbour’s phone number? It’s not even a landline she calls, it’s his mobile. I don’t even know most of my family’s numbers off by heart, so how does she know this family acquaintance’s number? The film doesn’t even bother trying to explain.
This movie would have an even lower rating if not for two things. Firstly, some of the action set-pieces, while silly, are actually decent. I really liked the car chase in Greece. Secondly, Sam Rockwell, who is just delightful in basically everything he does.
I feel like Rockwell is one of Hollywood’s most underrated actors. He isn’t as well regarded as someone like Leonardo Di Caprio or Matt Damon. He isn’t as ‘blockbuster’ as a Dwayne Johnson or Mark Wahlberg. He isn’t as quirky as Joaquin Phoenix. But, he elevates every project he’s involved in. And he can do everything. He can do action, sci-fi, spy capers, comedy, drama, rom-com, you name it. He never looks out of place! And he’s this film’s saving grace.
Barry – TV – 8/10
The show about a hit man who is looking for a career change. I’ll start with the positives, and there really is a lot to pick from. For starters, every actor in this is perfectly cast. There isn’t a single misstep. They’re all just so good. And it’s laugh-out-loud funny very often throughout. Bill Hader, the star and creator, obviously comes from a comedy background. The show is so well written that the whole cast shines in both a comedic and dramatic sense.
This probably would have gotten a better score, but I didn’t care for the ending. I didn’t like the direction the show started moving in during the final season, and I was left a little deflated by the end. I sort of felt like the storylines had closure, but no catharsis. I’m not sure that you can have one without the other, but that’s how I felt.
Now, a bad ending does not a bad show make. Look at The Sopranos or Game of Thrones for some high-profile examples (blimey HBO, get your act together for your finales!). Thinking about it, perhaps the underwhelming end was kind of intentional? In some ways, Barry reminds me of Goodfellas. The first half is glitzy and fun, but it gets darker and more uncomfortable the longer you watch it.
Apparently, Scorsese did this intentionally, luring the viewer in much like a gang might entice a tearaway teen. Then, pulling the rug out from underneath them and revealing the horrors that go along with being a gangster. I suppose it’s possible Barry was doing a similar thing.
Trying – TV – 8/10
The feel-good Apple TV show will make you, well, feel good. Following a Camden couple who, after years of trying – and failing – to get pregnant, turn to adoption to start a family. The cast is great, and it could be argued that the ensemble becoming more prominent as the series goes on leads to a better show.
Be warned, even though this show is optimistic and uplifting for the most part, because of the subject matter, it potentially could be quite upsetting for some viewers. If you think this is likely to be you, give this one a swerve. However, if you can get through the sad parts, this one really is quite sweet.
A Rob Blog 